Serious Game stuff (As opposed to writing)

This past week I have done two things I have never done before.

1) I applied to a raiding guild for a raid spot.

I’ve been the gospel singer for non guild raids for so long. It seems so odd to actually apply to a guild for the express purpose of raiding. Plus, the guild’s play level and experience is higher than my traditional groups. I think I am capable of doing this, but it is quite a change.

I’m taking myself, at least partially, away from Feathermoon and my social base. I’ve relied on being “Pill” for so long, it is hard to just be myself without having to rely on six years of server history. I’m not knocking Feathermoon here. I really love my home server, but I want a more focused raid in WoW. But booting up WoW has become a chore, not because I don’t like WoW, but because my social base has slowly dwindled.

I miss having everyone around to play. I miss even a little flicker of “hi” from somewhere. Part of this has been my fault. The slow dissolution of the backbone of my RP has been slowly killing me for months. I made writing promised that I could not keep, but I kept acting like all was okay when it really wasn’t. I felt adrift in plans that never came to fruition and trapped by promises I had made to people that have great value to me.

Finally, my Sunday raid started to falter. People left to do things they enjoyed more. Tempers got short, conversations got less productive. And eventually, the thing I knew was going to happen, even if I did not want to admit it, happened. The raid dissolved under its own weight. And I went on twitter to decry my fate.

It’s not the first time, I had looked at the tweets from the Guild Leader of Business Time and wondered. It is, however, the first time I had done so since they went to a “casual” one night a week. Before I had the excuse of time, it would have added three days to my raid schedule. Two of those days were days I already had things scheduled. Curiosity was there, but it was just not feasible. This time, I jumped.

I won’t lie and say that I am completely confident. I believe I am more than capable. I think I play my class well. I do research my class. I do take criticism. I CAN do better than I am doing right now. And, admittedly, I had let some things slide because I could. (Shaman has unenchanted bracers and I am still using the glyph of water shield) At the same time, I am dying to prove that I can do this. And hoping to find another touchbase for WoW things.

2) I confronted one of our tanks about his burnout

Panzercow talks about it from his PoV here. So I’ll tell you my side. I really had no idea he was that burntout. All I knew was that he was constantly harassing me about the raid. He wasn’t joking around so much. He was logging off of vent and WoW without much conversation. Not logging into vent to hang in TOR and generally being a lump.

But a “WTF, Panzer, why you act this way?” Would bring conversations about stress at work, or how he hadn’t really thought about it, or he was tired. No mention of burnout, no mention of not wanting to play.

I take people at their word. I don’t like to guess at what people think. I am notoriously bad at it. I am not good at reading subtle hints.

So, talking to @noxilite and others, it became clear that Panzercow was not feeling the WoW. He confessed to mutual friend that he was feeling burnt out. To which, I responded with typical Pill calm and reasoned logic. “WTF! WHY IS HE STILL PLAYING THEN.” Followed by a string of cursing and my threatening to bring a two by four to a tauren skull and lots of fire was involved as well.

To say the least, this is not how I went to Panzercow. But it was direct:

Itanya: So, I have something to say to you
Linedan: OK
Itanya: If you are feeling that burnt out. Dude, stop playing.

I am a master of the gentle intro, huh?

The other stuff about just showing out of obligation and no love of the game, yeah, I said that. I meant it to. I can replace a tank, if I have to. I can replace anyone if I have to (I don’t always have the will, but I usually can do it)

He was supposed to tell me if he was dropping out immediately. He blogged it up first.

Still lighting him on fire for that.

Anyway, point being that if you are feeling the blehs or the donwannas for week after week. Do yourself and your raid the favor of being honest about it. Everyone has the occasional day of donwanna. But if you ALWAYS feel that way, something is wrong.

And no, I’m not good at taking my own advice people. Bite me.