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Archive for May, 2008

The rules!

Copy the list of books, then bold the books you have read, underline the ones you read for school, and italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a Memoir in Books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
1984
Angels and Demons
Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : A Memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-Present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots and Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood: A True Account of a Multiple Murder and its Consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

Man, I read a lot of books in school

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Been re-working this story today, in between work.

Sorry, no great introspections today.

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Rachel Ray now terrorist

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24860437/?GT1=43001

Seriously?  WTF!

Because terrorist wear scarves.

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You may or may not know that I completed a degree in biology with focus on Molecular and micro biology last year.  What exactly has that gotten me?  Nothing.  A big fat honking zero.  I had one job opportunity with my degree.  It paid $11.50 an hour.

Now $11.50 an hour was good pay, when I was 21.  I’m not 21 anymore.  I have bills that have to pay and a house to maintain.  There are also some things I am not able or willing to do.  One of them is work a second job just to get ahead.  I did that for ten years.  Now that I have husband and stuff, I want to spend more time at home.  Couple this with living miles and miles away from my friends and only being able to connect with them on the interwebs and spending all my life working pales.

So basically, I spent five years, spent 50K and quit a good paying job (that was killing me) to get a degree that looks nice on my mantle.  There is little more maddening than this.  I got the degree I wanted because I wanted to get away from accounting and human resources.  I wanted to do something that required me to be active all day.  I also wanted a career that would keep my mind busy.  Instead, I managed to find the one job that was as mind-numbingly boring as the one I had, only in that one I didn’t have access to the internet.

Much like Pendleton, there was no room for advancement, no place to go.  There was nothing NEW being done.  It was not research, it wasn’t even interesting.  All this and it was CHEMISTRY.  I am not a chemist.

God, how frustrating. 

More frustrating is that I have to accept the fact that no matter what I want to do, if I really want to do something in my field, we have to move.  I don’t want to do this.  Worse, I am not sure we can do this.  Financially we’re okay but to be able to move…  I am not sure we could afford it.  I’m not sure if Raz wants to do it either.  That’s the other thing.  If it was just me…  Honestly, I would have sucked it up and asked Mom if I could take over her place and crash there for a while.  With her and Ray gone most of the time, I would have had the place to myself and it would have been okay.  But it’s not just me anymore.

I’m really conflicted and anxious about the whole thing.  And, in the back of my mind is the voice “Well you can get your teacher’s certificate and teach.”  Problem is that I never liked the idea of teaching in high school.  It’s a cop-out; one of those things I do when I am anxious about things changing. 

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Sometimes it seems that almost everything I think about can be tied to a verse in the bible.  Perhaps not so strange since I grew up in a fundamentalist Pentecostal home.  While I describe myself as Agnostic these days, the truth is that I still hold a number of tenets from my days as a Christian as truth.  (I also tend to think of myself as Kantian.)  I believe in the golden rule and I believe in forgiveness, but I also believe that one can forgive too many times and that sometimes people use forgiveness as a way to dismiss a person’s actions.

The passage I am referring to here is from 2 Corinthians 5:17.  (For those of you not familiar with biblical references, you read as second Corinthians chapter 5 and verse 17.)  It is, honestly, a fairly charged verse, referring directly to someone accepting Jesus Christ as their savior yet, like a number of verses in the bible it has a lot of meaning outside of that as well.

In one of my guild in World of Warcraft, there is a guy who is leaving the bosom of his college years to go to a new city so that he can get his masters.  I am always envious when I see this, or when I hear someone say “So and So is the smartest person I know.”  Sadly, that used to be me.  I used to be the smartest person people knew and somewhere along the way, I lost that. 

Which is not to say that I am upset that people I know are getting their degrees and moving on, or rather, I am not angry.  I am upset.  Upset at myself for letting so much of that life pass me by.  At the same time, I wonder if I would have met my husband if I had done it all right the first time.  All the good things in my life, those too would have never happened.

Winnie, Sunil, Chad, Bev, Laz, Fugly and all of them would never had impacted me, had I finished school the first time.  Would my life have been better without them?  I can’t help thinking that it wouldn’t.  Part of all this is finally accepting the fact that I am running out of time to do things.  Only a few more years before I am 40.

 

Sometimes, I feel really old.

And sometimes I feel stunned at how old I am.  When did I get to be 37?  I don’t feel like I am 37.  I still feel like I am in my 20s most of the time.

And a lot of this is just me freaking out because Graduate school is damn intimidating and I keep wavering between wanting to do it and thinking I am too old.

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I is waiting for Tuesday blog.  It is Wednesday.

Please comply, forwith.

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I write short RPz

Two small RP posts today, both lingering from continuing storylines.

Had the most fun with Pill though.  I love tying in things that Pill does in raid and when goofing off in RP.

Lighting Verdus-tree on fire, totally cannon.

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