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Archive for April, 2011

My first post is up at Seven Deadly Divas.

Don’t worry, I am still working on a discussion on the RNA world theory and stuff, but I will be blogging more science nerdery at the Divas.

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[Writing] – Alone

“Did she read it?” I asked, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder. I did not want to catch the eye of the woman a few tables away, busy drinking and talking with her friends.

“She read it. So did everyone else you asked me to show it to. Notes are inside the cover.” I paged through the notes, struggling to make out the scrawled messages in the smokey light at the bar.

“There’s no note from her.” The bartender shrugged, rubbing the wooden surface before him with a cloth that was probably not as clean as it looked. “Did she say anything?”

“Nothing. She read it and handed it back.” He looked over my head towards her and back to me. “Why don’t you go ask her about it?”

I shrugged, nervously looking back at the manuscript. I ruffled through the pages, trying to come up with a good answer and eventually settled on saying nothing at all.

“I thought you two were friends?” It was bartender small talk. I knew it was.

“I guess, maybe once. Not so much anymore.” I stuffed the manuscript inside my coat to protect it from the rain outside. It was hard not to say more, but it was hard to talk about her without revealing the bitter sadness I have been feeling. No point in telling anyone else how I felt. No point in dragging out my humiliation for others to see.

“That’s too bad.” The bartender remarked. A snort of laughter comes from the table I am desperately trying to tell myself is not there. Thankfully, he is looking over the glasses and does not notice me flinch. I hope that the dim lighting hide the tears that are welling in my eyes.

After I drain the scotch from my glass, I hop off the stool. Dutifully, I put money on the bar along with a small tip. I pat myself down, checking to make sure everything I need is stored where it should be in my coat.

“It’s really too bad. Maybe you should just go over there. Sounds like they are having fun.” To prove his point, their laughter peaks again.

“I’m sure they are.” Is that too harsh? Was my voice too bitter? I chew on my lip, worrying that I have already given a sign of how I really feel. Have I given a sign of how unbalanced I am. “They don’t want me around not right now. Maybe tomorrow, when I’m not hurt at being dismissed, ignored or shunned.”

Dammit, there was the line I did not want to cross. Before the bartender could chide me, before someone at that table could call out and announce to the whole bar just how crazy I was, I fled for the door. I lost myself in the storm.

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I am having what is called “a sad” or some stuff. So today Linedan decided to try and cheer me up!

Linedan: bah, Pill is love ❤ happiness and rainbows and unicorns. unicorns screaming as their skin burns and their eyes melt, but still unicorns.

Itanya: Blet

Linedan: if flaming unicorns don’t cheer you up, this is srs bsns! they cheer me up.

Itanya: Meh, I am having very much a sad

Linedan: I know. Also, extra crispy unicorns with wing sauce.

Fyriat: It's like eating a sparkly shiny happy piece of someone’s childhood! Not having a good day? cause if you can’t smile at Kentucky Fried Unicorn, there may be something wrong with you.

For the record, guys, it does make me smile.

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